Saturday, 31 January 2015

Final Story Idea: Forgot to Upload Earlier

This has taken me longer then I though to upload due to a late shift at work but now I'm back I can get it out there for criticism. I'm not sure if the tone for this story is good enough. Whether it is too far into horror or not enough so i'll leave that up to you guys and Phil to decide. After writing out this longer story I am going to try and shorten it down and make something worthy of a 1 minute animation. I just felt that getting the whole idea out as it was in my head was the best step to take before trying to compress something from the start.

Final Story Idea:

Act 1
Rain streams down the rusted, patched metal. A dark shadow looms over the unsuspecting town, a force of the unknown that thrives on the twisted. The blackness gives way to bright sunlight, revealing the new arrival to the town. The circus has arrived and the unsuspecting townsfolk are the next in line for the horror that it brings.

A Mother and her two children (still thinking of names, will probably come in design stage) are drawn to the mysterious new attraction. Excited to take part in the fun that hides beyond the gates, they enter full of enthusiasm to be greeted by a suspicious sight. The grounds themselves are empty. Rides seemingly abandoned by workers years ago yet somehow still standing, save for the rough patchwork of metal's and paint that covers them. Before the family can turn and leave, disappointed. A man steps out of a nearby tent. Dressed in a purple suit with a large grin on his face, he reaches towards the Children s mother with long, bony fingers. Whisking her away into the tent, the Children are left, to wander the desolate park.. alone.

As the two move through the creaking metallic structures, jutting metal and colorful buildings, a sense of terror comes over them. They hold each other, reassuring themselves as they continue. The endless silence that surrounds them occasionally broken by the distant laughter of children. Fading in and out of earshot as they move along. Eventually they are drawn to a monolithic sight at the edge of the grounds. Shooting high up into the sky, jutting metal and stitched fabric covers an old bouncy castle, still inflated, unaffected by the wind that now engulfs the area. As they pass, laughter and nursery rhymes (Not sure which one yet) echoes from the blackened doorway. A mixture of intrigue and terror takes over the two and they enter the ghostly castle. Everything goes black and the two disappear into the void.

Act 2
The two awake, in a dark, cold room. A faint bulb swings from the ceiling, barely illuminating the the grisly sight before them. Row's upon rows of half stuffed animals line the walls, their mouths and eyes stitched shut. Reams of thread line the ceiling and floor, creating a spiderweb mass around the children. encasing them in the void. Tables are spread out around the room. Upon which are spools of thread, needle's, various vile's and jars filled with suspiciously thick liquids.

As they sit in  the darkness, cowering tiny pattering begins to surround them, like small children s footsteps running along a concrete floor. Laughter echoes around them, large smiles and bright eyes emerge from the eclipse, staring then slowly sinking back into the shade. Everything goes silent, plunging the sibling's back into the quiet terror that has engulfed them.

Act 3
Heavy footsteps come closer and closer, behind them comes the scattering of the same little feet, as if following behind. From the corner of the room comes a man, Seemingly huge in height and incredibly thin. Just barely illuminated by the light he steps forward, his round glasses glinting in the from the dim glow. His shirt is old yet perfectly pressed. Red and brown stains cover him. Hanging from his waist are patches of dry, brown leather, long, tapered needles. Skin covered in stitches, thread still hanging down as if the job hadn't been finished.

He lays a long, bony finger on the faces of both Brother and Sister. Inspecting them, peering into their eyes. Examining their mouths and teeth. He lets go. Turning and walking away he whispers. "Welcome to the family.....Meet your brothers and sisters". He exits.

Bones crack, Tiny feet scatter along the floor. Electricity hums. The Faint light illuminates the animated bodies of previous victims. Some small, some larger. All children of different shapes and sizes and ages. Their bodies covered in stitches and bolts. Conductors protruding from various body parts. They move toward the children. twitching and jolting in all directions. Eager to reach the new additions. Laughter and humming fills the room, covering screams of terror as the room goes black.

There we have it the final Idea that I have for my story. As I said before I'm not sure if the tone is right. My OGR left me with an opportunity to create something that could scare people, and although this is one of the most interesting things that I could come up with. I feel that there is more that I could do. Or even some stuff that I could remove. When I get to story boarding and scripting I will need to reduce it down to make it work, so we will have to see. Enjoy the story and I would greatly appreciate the feedback.



  1. Hi Lewis,

    Nicely atmospheric - but I think you could speed things up; so, just have the two kids arriving at the circus, drop the mother character, she doesn't serve a function particularly... in terms of your ending, I think the scariest thing would be to suggest that this circus/kidnap/horror scenario just keeps playing out over and over - so consider setting up a structure where the audience gets a sense of an inescapable loop - so it ends as it begins, with new victims etc. Think of your circus as like some giant basking shark just moving through reality sucking up children as if they were plankton - some cosmic, unstoppable predator... you see, it seems to me as if you're story isn't about the two children, it's about the concept of the circus, so the story shouldn't 'end' with the fate of the children. but continue endlessly like some nightmare...

  2. I was considering whether I should drop the mother or not, as I realized that she has nothing really to do with the story so now that you have said that ill go ahead. I like the Idea of the cycle repeating, over and over. Sort of inescapable loop. Ill make a few changes then get started with the rest of the work. Thanks for the Help, I'm sure ill find you on Monday and seek more advice.