New Story Ideas: Horror notes

After receiving the feedback from my OGR, Phil recommended that I go horror this time round, rather then going for what I had originally planned on doing. So going off of this suggestion I spent a few days writing out a new story that I am quite proud of, seeing it as more successful then my first story. 

Here we have my first idea for the story that I want to create into the final animation. You may not be able to see the writing clearly, thanks to my handwriting so ill explain my ideas here instead. 

  

The story starts off with a circus that mysteriously arrives overnight in a seemingly normal town. During the day very few people enter the attraction except for a Mother and her two children. A young boy and an older girl. Upon entering the circus ground's the trio are struck by the eerily deserted circus, there are no attendants or patrons to be seen, They are approached by a man who seems to be the circus owner who whisks the mother off, deeper into the circus, leaving the children to wander by themselves. 

As they walk further into the strangely deserted circus. Occasionally the sound of children laughter echoes around the park, frightening the children as they keep walking. Eventually they are drawn to a monolithic bouncy castle, sitting on the outskirts of the circus grounds, As they stare into the dark entrance, the sound of Nursery Rhymes and laughter begin to echo out, drawing the siblings into its clutches. As they enter the void, everything goes black and the two are whisked away into a nightmare that they will never escape.

Upon waking up the two find themselves in a dark room, barely lit by a single, flickering bulb hanging from the ceiling, Too frightened to scream out, the siblings sit in the dark, waiting for something to happen. Not long after, small pattering can be heard, like tiny footsteps on concrete, Laughter begins to echo throughout the room, terrorizing the children. Bright eye's and stretched smiles appear out of the darkness, their pupils piercing the souls of the poor children. The occasional twitch and snap is heard, like bones being broken and rearranged, thread being pulled through dry skin. 

Heavy footsteps appear, quiet at first, but getting louder and louder as they approach the two cowering children. A man emerges from the darkness, barely lit by the failing bulb. He walks up to the two children and inspects them. His clothes are stained with old blood, clotted and dry. Patches of skin like material hangs from his belt, thread and needles protrude from the  parched material. After inspecting the children he whispers. "welcome to the family" and walks away. Leaving the children to their fates at the hands of the creatures residing in the blackness. 

This Idea is much more creative then the first, as I am much happier when writing stories designed around a Horror theme. Although as this was the first draft of this story there are a few things that I have changed in the next draft, which I will uploading soon. I want to include more evidence that the man that has kidnapped the children is a Taxidermist and has more of a sicker idea in mind for the children rather then just killing and stuffing them.

I also have changed the way the circus feels upon first entrance. I want it to obviously deserted yet less brand new and more like it has been, patched together over the years. Constantly being repaired, but never replaced, resembling a Taxidermist's practice before he starts with his final work. 

I could really use some feedback on this idea, as I want to continue to develop this story and make it truly terrifying.